Navigating "Kiss Up, Kick Down" Behavior in the Workplace

In a single image with two scenes split vertically: Sarah, a middle manager, smiles insincerely while shaking hands with the approving CEO, celebrating a glowing performance review in bright background. On the bottom images, dejected team members without suits slouches under an overwhelming stack of paperwork in late hours and dim lightning with an “Urgent” deadline glaring from the board.

Navigating the Toxic Terrain of “Kiss Up, Kick Down” Behavior

Workplace dynamics can be complex, and understanding specific behaviors is essential for fostering a positive environment. One detrimental behavior that can negatively impact morale and productivity is commonly referred to as “kiss up, kick down.” This phrase describes individuals who excessively praise or agree with their superiors while undermining or mistreating peers and subordinates. Recognizing and addressing this behavior is critical for building a respectful, collaborative workplace culture.

Recognizing “Kiss Up, Kick Down” Behavior

Detecting this behavior can be challenging, as individuals who engage in it are often subtle. Here are some signs to watch for:

• Flattery Upwards: They tend to excessively praise or agree with superiors to gain favor.

• Undermining Subordinates: They may belittle or dismiss peers and subordinates to assert dominance. Especially when they are stressed or that there were unexpected changes.

• Inconsistent Behavior: Their demeanor often changes significantly when interacting with superiors versus subordinates. This is subjected both on the relative ranks of the parties, or ulterior motives.

• Credit Appropriation and Blame Shifting: They may take credit for others’ achievements while deflecting responsibility for mistakes.

• Manipulation and Lack of Empathy: Such individuals may use manipulative tactics and display little concern for the well-being of their team members.

Some managers might initially present as “nice” or describe the team as a “family” but under pressure may exploit loyalty or even deflect responsibility onto others. It’s essential to remain attentive to these behaviors, as they can impact morale and trust within the team.

Common Covert Strategies

To avoid detection, individuals with “kiss up, kick down” tendencies often employ several covert strategies:

• Selective Visibility: They ensure that only their positive actions are visible to superiors, keeping negative behaviors hidden.

• Charm Offensive: Using charisma and charm, they create a positive image with superiors, making it difficult for others to believe they could behave poorly.

• Divide and Conquer: By creating divisions within the team, they weaken alliances and assert control.

• Feigning Innocence: When confronted, they may act surprised or misunderstood, positioning themselves as the victim.

• Perception Manipulation: They may twist situations to present themselves as a hero or victim, whichever is more beneficial.

• Gossip and Rumors: Subtle rumors or gossip can serve to undermine others’ reputations.

• Exploiting Ambiguity: They often take advantage of vague policies to justify questionable actions.

These individuals tend to portray themselves as dedicated and fair but are often willing to manipulate situations for personal gain. Be on lookout for their hypocrisy!

Effective Strategies for Addressing “Kiss Up, Kick Down” Behavior

Addressing this behavior requires a strategic and professional approach:

• Document Everything: Keep a detailed record of relevant interactions to provide evidence if needed.

• Set Clear Boundaries: Define your role and responsibilities clearly to prevent overreach or exploitation.

• Communicate Directly: If possible and safe, address the issue with the individual in a respectful manner.

• Build Support Networks: Foster relationships within your team or organization to build mutual support.

• Maintain Professionalism: Remain professional in all interactions, focusing on positive contributions.

• Escalate When Necessary: If the behavior continues, consider escalating to HR or a supervisor with documented evidence.

• Prioritize Your Work: Keep your focus on high-quality work, allowing your contributions to speak for themselves.

• Consider Your Options: If the environment remains toxic, explore opportunities for a transfer or new role within or outside the organization.

Conclusion

By recognizing the signs of “kiss up, kick down” behavior and implementing proactive strategies, individuals and teams can better navigate these challenging workplace dynamics. Addressing this behavior professionally can contribute to a healthier, more supportive work environment for everyone.